To the creative listeners…

(& that is easier said than done.)

I wanted to discuss one thing today. One thing that can mean many things actually. CREATIVITY. Many people may jump straight to words like artist, designer, writer, etc.. but to me its so much more. I see creativity in many aspects of my life. One thing I can’t get enough of is music.

Yes, I am one of those people who walk around campus with my ipod blasting on my way to class. Many people have called out my name and I appear to be ignoring them because I cant hear them over the music. Some people dont understand this because they like to be social and talk to people for whatever reason. Maybe its because I lost most my faith in the human race long ago, but I look forward to my walk to class everyday. Those few minutes it takes me to walk to class with my favorite lyrics singing in my ear are the only minutes of my life, where my reality kind of disappears and I get that escape. For those few minutes the world disappears and its just me, and for those bad days those few minutes are the only sane ones I get.

If we want to talk about the creative people in the world who aren’t afraid of being wrong, I believe they are song writers, and the bands who sing about what everyone else is afraid to say. I admire them. If i had the slightest ounce of musical talent, I would be right there with them… Singing, or playing guitar. Sadly I have never been able to sing well (not that I dont sing), or learned to play guitar. But either way, listening to music is just as freeing if you cant perform. Maybe its not the same for you, but when I listen to be favorite band, I like to live vicariously through the band. Maybe I am a freak, and no one else does that. If you don’t, I highly suggest you try.

Music says what words can’t.

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Curious folks need apply.

(truth)

I thought I would use this opportunity to just share a few things about myself.

1.) I believe in treating everyone with respect, and in a friendly manner until they have done me wrong. I have had many friends who haven’t exactly had the best opinions of someone else for whatever reason. I don’t care. Unless someone has burned me I strongly believe that I have no right to judge them on the stories I have heard from others. Behind every person is a story, and that story made them who they are for better or worse.

2.) Im a very hard person to really get to know. I have no problem making casual friends, I can almost always have a conversation with anyone and get along with them, mostly because of my first point. BUT anything more than that, anything that actually makes me open up is VERY rare. There have been a few people in my life that I do trust enough to open up to. If you are one of those people, you are one of those people for life.

3.) My friends consider me as an artist, I do not. I am going to school for Graphic Design, and yes if you give me an assignment I can do it and get it done fairly quickly. Maybe its because i don’t see what I do as good work. I am surrounded by amazing artists everyday, whether its classmates, professors, or professionals on the internet. Their work is better, and I can see that. I am not to the point where my work pleases me, its just something I have a passion for and that I enjoy doing.

4.) I value honesty more than anything. One way to lose me as a friend fast is lying. I believe in always telling the truth, and if you feel bad about it then you can sugar coat it if you please. The truth hurts, and sometimes its hurts so hard you don’t want to get out of bed the next day. Its still the truth, after a while you can accept it and move on instead of living a lie you don’t even know exists. I try to always tell the truth, and I value the people who do the same to me. The people who i believe are honestly telling me the truth are the ones I allow to be closest to me. Mostly because they aren’t afraid to tell me when Im being stupid.

Captivated Feelings


I wanted to share a poem I wrote late at night in my journal. Its personal, and raw with emotion. My emotions, much like a lot of every word I write in my journal.

Sidenote: Its not a silly jr. high kind of boy obsessed journal. Most entries just help me get out what i wish i could say to other people, and what i would never dare tell anyone else. Its the one place I can be completely me.

Fortress

I’ve built a fortress around me,
a place I can be alone with my thoughts.
Its scary and dark and lonely,
but too much to let another inside.

Every man that enters, runs away in fear.
Scared I’m the girl who cant be cured.
Because my thoughts are deafening,
yet so quiet not even a dog could hear.

Ive locked all doors and boarded the windows,
as though to fool everyone with my facade.
My days are never ending, my nights even longer,
because my thoughts are self destructing.

My faith is ever shaking, though not much is breaking.
This disease is my fortress, captive I am held.
Its like my thoughts are binding,
dragging me neither here nor there, but everywhere.

For a rescue i could hope,
But a hopeless hope is that.
Not the strongest man could drag me out,
I’m bound until I fall.


So I’m no poet by any means, but these words mean something to me. Maybe because they are me. The me no one sees.