Depression is one of the hardest things to explain to someone who has never felt it. They have never felt so lost, so sad, so unmotivated to do anything. I am one person who has dealt with depression for some time now, and this year i finally got the courage to do something about it. A couple weeks ago, it was suggested to me to try anti-depressants. In that moment, i was somewhat relieved, and disappointed. I felt relief because I finally had confirmation that what was going through my head was real, and was finally diagnosed as something. And then, I was disappointed because I never thought I would be someone who would have to take ‘happy pills’. But if its a chemical imbalance in the brain, how could I have helped that? Its funny… depression never feels like its the chemicals in your brain that are off. It makes you feel like you as a whole is off. Before I started medication i wrote another poem in my journal. Its about my feeling of depression, and what it feels like to me. Maybe if you have had experience with depression, you will understand. But my hope is that even those of you that haven’t, will start to understand too.
Do you want to know what its like?
What its like to be me?
I can try to put it into words,
But rather, let me paint it a picture.
Close your eyes and listen to me,
Put image to what I paint in your head.
No matter the strength it takes to breathe,
Just imagine, imagine you’re like me.
Now let the darkness surround you,
Not a spec of light to guide you.
Please, let the silence consume you,
Scream, there’s no echo of pain.
You are lost in a sea of darkness.
There’s no sure way of how to escape.
But you’re lost, running scared,
You’re running out of breath.
With no light for guidance,
And no sound to scream in fear,
No one sees it, No one hears you.
It’s like you’re running in circles.
Only you can pull yourself out,
But you haven’t the slightest idea how.
Keep running, keep screaming,
I just hope your breath doesn’t run out.