Wanted: Zzzz’s

…incase you’re wondering, that’s not me. 

But that is what happens many nights I attempt to sleep at a decent hour. And when I say decent hour… I’m meaning like 3am. I lie there awake for hours until my room starts lighting up and my eyes finally close.
A good example is last night-slash-this morning-slash-tonight: I climbed into bed last night after ‘visiting’ with friends at 4am, and not to my surprise at all… I watched my room light up as the sun rose. This morning I had a doctors appointment, which required me to be out of bed at 9:30 to get ready. Had I fallen asleep I would have gotten  5 1/2 hrs of sleep. But I’m not sure I ever really fell asleep… So I stumbled out of bad at 9:30 and made way to my appointment. Came back around noon, and my planned naptime had failed. I did manage to fall asleep around 11pm tonight for about an hour, which is exactly why its 5:14am and I am still up blogging on my roommates laptop.
I’m sure I’m not alone, but this is just one blogger begging for some Zzzz’s.
My problem with not sleeping at a reasonable time is that i sleep all day. This isn’t a problem now because I am still on break from school for the Holidays, but in a little over a week classes start up again. The first few weeks are going to be rough if I can’t get this figured out. Sleeping all day isn’t my only problem either… It’s what I do with the time that I am up into the early morning hours. I usually just lay in bed and think, and since I’m tired nearly every thought is a pessimistic one. That will then drive me even more insane, and keep me up even later. Its a bad cycle to get stuck in, once it starts it really only goes downhill. The other part of the time I am up, I accomplish nothing. I will watch old Law and Order episodes, or old movies, or find cute pictures of baby animals online. None of which are productive in the least bit.
So as you can see, my lack of Zzzz’s are getting me nowhere, especially with this blog. And at this time I’d like to take the time to apologize on behalf of my exhausted self and say: I’ll try to make my next post more interesting.. and relevant to life. I’d also like to think I helped someone out there catch some Zzzz’s just by reading this post, in which case, I hope your keyboard is drool proof.


To Write Love On Her Arms

To Write Love On Her Arms is a nonprofit organization I’ve been familiar with for about 2 years, but in the last year have become involved with. A few months ago I became the secretary of  Bradley University’s UChapter of TWLOHA. This group has had such an impact on my life.

TWLOHA started because of a young woman, Renee Yohe was addicted to drugs and alcohol and self injured. She went through a life of pain. When her friends took her to a rehabilitation center she was denied admittance because she had carved the words “FUCK UP” into her arm. The friends then took her in, and watched over her as her wounds healed enough. To help with bills they started a fundraiser that went further than they could ever imagine. Friends started selling tshirts with the phrase “To Write Love On Her Arms” on them, and they started a myspace page. Some friends in Switchfoot and Anberlin were some of the first to wear these tshirts. And from there… they took off.

Finally, anyone who had ever dealt with depression, addiction, self injury, eating disorders had a place to turn. They finally knew they weren’t alone. TWLOHA was there to push those people in the right direction and get help, it told them that their life DID matter, and that their story did too.

After graduating high school in a town smaller than many could imagine, I moved to a larger city for college. I was only about an hour away from home, but the changes were still enormous. I went to a place where I didn’t know anyone. It was scary, and the first year was the hardest… Trying to find friends, finding things to do, classes were different, tests were harder… I had final exams. It was hard to deal with at first, I was trying to find out who I really was. All through out elementary and high school I was around my twin sister, and trying to be like her. I was trying to be who I thought everybody wanted me to be. I got to college and suddenly didn’t have to do that anymore, but that made me more lost than ever. Its easier to be who people want you to be than to actually figure out who you are.

Needless to say, I slipped into a depression and did some things I’m not exactly proud of. Once I was in that downward sprial it has been hard to get out of. As a junior now, I have my good friends, and I know what I’m doing. But I still have days I’d rather not get out of bed, some days I’d rather just runaway. But my sophomore year I found TWLOHA. The people there were great, and gave me hope. Hope to be happy and content with my life, hope in my future, and hope in other people. It gave me the courage to go to counseling and get a job that will give me experience for when I do graduate. I’m not perfect. It is a start though.

TWLOHA showed me that life is a process. A process you have to work every day at. It showed me that everyone needs someone. Now being apart of this organization I just hope to help others out, maybe people that are feeling the same way I have and still do at times. I strongly suggest everyone visits twloha.com and read their Vision, and Mission Statement. Ive read it 50 times already and still like to go there on days to read it again. They also have really sweet merch.

“The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.
The vision is the possibility that we’re more loved than we’ll ever know.
The vision is hope, and hope is real.
You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.” -twloha.com

With Hope,

Just something to start off…

I’ve never been the religious type… 
BUT that quote is the closest thing to the bible for designers I have been able to find. Besides, religion is supposed to encourage you, give you hope and faith. Something about a book listing rules right and left for me isn’t appealing. I’ve always been someone who (for the most part) can decide what’s right from wrong and I don’t think I need a book to tell me how to do so. But this quote is one I’ve come across many times on the internet. As a junior Graphic Design major I totally understand what this means, and it’s something that gives me hope that I am doing the right thing. It tells me what I feel on a daily basis IS normal, and I am definitely NOT going crazy.
By this I don’t mean this quote is my bible, or that I’m going to convert to a made-up religion. This is just something that gives me HOPE in the future, and FAITH in myself and my designs. Being from a small town and a religious family, I’ve noticed that when life gets hard many people turn to their faith in Christianity and the Church for guidance. I’m not any different than the next person, I have struggles I face everyday. This is just one of the things I have been lucky enough to find to give me the encouragement I need. It’s something I wanted to share with you. 🙂